The Wrong Way to Act Weak // Variant Perception #39
I was walking Bandit this morning when I noticed an older man, probably in his late eighties, with a cane standing at the curb. He was talking on the phone and had what looked like trash by his feet.
It was an unusual sight, and after watching for thirty seconds, I decided to walk over to ask if he needed help. I noticed that he had spilled a case of dominoes on the ground.
When I asked if he needed a hand, he said, “Oh no, I’m fine, thank you.”
Except, it was obvious he needed help. He was not about to bend down to pick up the dominoes and put them back. So, I replied, “Well, let me just pick up these dominoes for you.”
After I picked them up and put them away, we chatted for a bit, and I walked away. It was a wholesome neighborhood interaction.
As I walked away, I reflected on how so many people, me included, can have difficulty asking for help even when it’s offered. An inner conflict arises when we act weak in the pursuit not to be.
It’s easy to see this in other people. You can probably think of someone you know who has needed help or needs it now but is having trouble asking for it. It’s plain as day to you as the observer that their refusal to ask for help is self-destructive. But when you’re the one doing it, it’s hard to see.
By asking for help, we’re admitting that we’re incapable in some way. We’re deficient or seen from another angle, we’re a burden. That’s seen as unacceptable. And there’s also some internal “reward” for staying resolute. You feel good about yourself when you keep it all inside and don’t spill your guts all over people.
Except that’s the wrong way to look at it. Weakness is defined as not taking action when in need. I’m acting weak when I don’t speak up for myself. I’m acting courageous by asking for help when I need it when I’m most scared to speak up.
Take the older man in my example. He clearly needed help. He was alone, on the side of a kind-of busy street, and he couldn’t walk very well. Except he didn’t want to bother me even when I asked if I could lend a hand.
Why make a situation more difficult than it needs to be? Not just the man in my example but all of us.
How often have you been afraid to appear weak? So, instead of asking for help when it’s needed, you stay silent and pretend everything is fine?
Except, strength and courage only come when taking action in the face of fear.
Only when you’re afraid can you act with courage. I’ll argue all day that not asking for help is an act of weakness.
-Jared