Practically Enlightened // Variant Perception #53

Picture this: a monk in flowing robes sits cross-legged in a misty mountain forest. His face radiates serenity, his posture perfect, not a wrinkle in his robe. He’s the pinnacle of an "enlightened" master—someone who's transcended the messy realities of everyday life.

Now picture this: it's 7:45 AM, and a mom has fifteen minutes to get three kids to school. The oldest is taunting his sister, both screaming at full volume. The toddler, delighted by the chaos, finger-paints the walls with oatmeal. Her phone buzzes, the dog needs to go out, and somehow, she needs to find her daughter's other shoe.

Which scenario requires more self-mastery? The monk, whose biggest distraction might be a curious squirrel and a stray thought, or the mom, orchestrating a morning symphony of chaos? The answer seems obvious.

This leads many people to write off pursuing enlightenment—the practice of being fully awake to our lives—as a luxury they cannot afford and something not even worth thinking about. It’s easy to give up on something we believe to be unreachable.

What if true enlightenment is found not in escape but amid life's chaos? What does an enlightened mother look like? What about an enlightened father?

Consider the regular challenges of everyday life: a toddler's tantrum, a problematic colleague, a tension-filled family dinner. These aren't obstacles to spiritual fulfillment—they are the practice. The complexity and messiness of modern life do not keep us from enlightenment; they’re the catalysts we must embrace.

As Pema Chödrön teaches, "The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently." This isn't just philosophical wisdom—it's practical advice for growing up.

Practically enlightened means using life's mundane, everyday aspects to cultivate equanimity, peace, and gratitude. It’s easy to be peaceful in beautiful nature where your only responsibility is sweeping and meditating. It’s fucking hard to be peaceful in the modern world.

Thich Nhat Hanh, another master of practical Buddhism, puts it simply: "Enlightenment is… not something that happens once and is then complete." He specifically speaks to parents, saying, "The way you speak to your children can be your practice. The way you walk with your children can be your practice." This isn't feel-good pop spirituality—it's a reframing of what enlightenment means. The goal is to use the situations life gives us every day as the raw materials of our awakening.

I experienced this truth when I became a father. My meditation and breathwork practice disappeared overnight. But I found something far more potent in its place: a 24/7 intensive course in presence, patience, and unconditional love. Becoming a parent often forces situations where it’s easy to self-obsess. Late nights with a crying baby become pity parties as I think about how tired I will be during my busy day. Reading the same book for the 100th time, I quickly let my mind wander to everything else I’d “rather” be doing.

So I asked myself, “How can I translate my meditation practice—mindfulness on my thoughts and presence in the moment—to my everyday realities of being a parent?” The raw materials of my practice have changed, but the objective has not. Instead of obsessing over my internal dialogue or my endless to-do list, I use the most meaningful component of my life—my child— to bring me back to presence. Because I know at some point in the future, I would pay infinite amounts of money to experience my son at the same age he is today.

This is the essence of practical enlightenment: not escaping from life's challenges but using them as your path. It's messier than the monastery version. And nobody gets things right all of the time. But from my eyes, it might just be the most direct path to genuine spiritual transformation for far more people.

The monastery path will always have its place—there's deep wisdom in periodic retreat from the world. But practical enlightenment calls you to use what you're given: the conflicts, the challenges, and the relationships that fill your daily life.

So the next time you catch yourself self-obsessing over how a difficult situation is "ruining the moment," pause. That challenging colleague, rebellious teenager, and endless to-do list aren't obstacles to your enlightenment. They're the raw materials for it. The only question is: Are you ready to embrace them as your path?

Practically enlightened,

—Jared